Sunday, February 10, 2008

there is always something there to remind me

i have a fucked up knee. the first time i injured it i was in the eighth grade and i was playing tennis in the school yard with my cousin. i went for a back hand and my body turned with the follow through but my actual foot didn't moving therefore initially jarring my ligaments.

as i was a stubborn child, i refused to really rest my injury properly and as my parents are "old-school" when it comes to medicine, they took me to a tradition practitioner of chinese medicine, i never went to the physiotherapy that i probably should have. volleyball was far more important than resting an injury longer than two-three games. chinese medicine is far superior to western medicine. over a decade later and my knee is forever fucked up.

i got on the bus today and i stepped up into the rear seating area and i sat down. the bus was not moving. it wasn't crowded. i didn't get pushed. i just sat down. then my knee jarred up. for the first time in nearly three years. thus far, nothing more has come of it than the sudden spike in my heart rate (*knock on wood*). i will lay off for the next few days and most likely wear a brace at work for a few shifts. but it's canada and it's icy out.

i normally feel physically fine. pain in my knee isn't something i experience all that much anymore. but i'm afraid of puddles. i'm afraid of grease. i'm afraid of hair conditioner residue in the tub. i'm afraid of horseplay. i'm afraid that i will lose my mobility. i'm afraid of twigs and pens rolling around on uneven ground. i'm afraid of a lot of things and not a day goes by that i don't remember that i'm afraid of them.

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